Relationship Fitness

S10: Anger E8: Let Go Anger Play

In “Relationship Workout for Men” Season 10 Episode 8 titled “Let Go Anger Play,” Vince navigates the concept of “Letting Go” of anger within relationships, emphasizing it as a vital, strong anger management strategy. This episode underscores the importance of recognizing when an issue isn’t significant enough to escalate, advocating for forgiveness and the release of grudges for the sake of relationship harmony. Vince differentiates this from avoidance, clarifying that truly letting go involves a conscious choice to not allow anger to consume or control, thereby fostering a more peaceful and understanding partnership. Through his guidance, Vince illustrates that the act of letting go is not just about dismissing feelings but about choosing battles wisely to maintain the health of the relationship.

Welcome to Relationship Workout for Men, a podcast dedicated to helping men be intentional in choosing a better partner, and being a better partner for the person they choose.

Season 10, Episode 8: Let Go Anger Play

In this episode, we discuss the second strong anger play: Let Go.

So What does it mean to Let Go of Anger?

Letting Go of Anger is about honestly choosing to let go of whatever issues you feel are creating anger within you. In its essence, choosing to let go requires the ability to:

  1. Determine that the issue is not worth raising a fuss over.
  2. Forgive the other person for whatever the (perceived) infraction might be.
  3. Not hold a grudge against the other person for the (perceived) infraction.

Be careful that you’re not thinking you’re letting the anger go, when in reality you’re making an Avoidance Anger Play. In other words, be careful you’re not avoiding conflict because you’re:

  • Afraid of confronting your partner.
  • Exhausted by the amount of fighting you two have been enduring together.

The tactics one uses when choosing a Let Go of Anger Play include:

  1. Accepting your inability to completely control all circumstances.
  2. Being tolerant that there will always be difference between two people.
  3. Choosing to forgive the other person and yourself.
  4. Watching out for patterns, such as the issue resurfacing again and again, in which case you may need to address the issue by using an Assertive Anger Play.

As is the case when making an assertive anger play, the letting go of anger play also has a flow. In this flow, you basically have a conversation with yourself (and perhaps with some supportive friends and family and/or therapist) where you assess if this issue is really worth raising? When this happens, a flow with something like these five stages can happen:  

  • Stage 1: Accept your inability to completely control all circumstances.
  • Stage 2: Recognize one’s personal limits, especially given the current circumstances.
  • Stage 3: Tolerate differences, especially differences you cannot control.
  • Stage 4: Choose to forgive and not to hold a grudge.

At this point the flow can go in one of two directions:

  • Stage 5: The issue is resolved because you’ve chosen to let go of it, or
  • Stage 5: If the issue continues to resurface as a pattern, then you may consider addressing this issue with your partner utilizing an assertive anger play

Taking a Deeper Look at Letting Go of Anger, Letting Go of Anger is about the person honestly realizing that there is nothing to be gained by continuing to be angry. It’s about letting go of control and letting go of ego, as well. It’s also about learning how to have a short memory.

In summary, letting Go of Anger is Really About:

  • You realize and feel the issue is not important enough to discuss. 
  • You don’t need to be in complete control to protect your ego.
  • You may have found that the use of Assertive Anger and Strong Partnership Plays still didn’t result in a commonly agreed-upon solution, and you’ve decided that this issue is just not big enough nor worth it to continue trying to resolve. 
  • You can honestly let go of the issue and move on without it continuing to negatively spin in your monkey mind. After all, you can’t always have it your way!

So, with that we wrap up season 10: Anger where we discussed the foundational relationship question: Does anger spark drama in your relationship?

Remember, you can self-identify if anger is sparking drama in your relationship by completing the Relationship Workout program at relationshipworkout.com. If you discover anger plays are potentially contributing to drama in your relationship, the Relationship Workout AI coach will then provide insights to suggest how to address these weak anger plays in your relationship.

Next, we turn our attention to season 11: Conflict, we explore the foundational relationship question: “Do disagreements escalate into toxic drama?”

 

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