Relationship Fitness

S8: Integrity E5: Spider Woman

In “Relationship Workout for Men” Season 8 Episode 5, titled “Spider Woman,” Vince shares a harrowing tale from a friend entangled in a web of deception and weak integrity. The story unfolds with Jane, an attractive woman who falls for a man who compensates for his lack of physical appeal with intelligence and charm. After moving continents to be with him, Jane discovers, through a daring and desperate act of climbing through his window, that she’s not his only girlfriend. Vince recounts how Jane’s trust was shattered by her partner’s justification of maintaining a “backup plan,” spotlighting the devastating effects of dishonesty and infidelity on trust and emotional well-being within relationships.

Welcome to Relationship Workout for Men, a podcast dedicated to helping men be intentional in choosing a better partner, and being a better partner for the person they choose.

Season 8, Episode 5: Spider Woman

In this episode, I share a friend’s story when a person she thought she was dating exclusively came up with a doozy of a story to justify what one might deem as weak integrity on his part.

Once upon a time, there was an extremely attractive gal — let’s call her Jane — who fell in love with, some might say, a less attractive guy. 

Indeed, her attraction to him wasn’t purely physical. His hair was thinning, his teeth badly needed braces, and his skin shone with a pasty white hue. 

However, what he might have lacked in the beauty department, he more than made up for in the intelligence and charm departments. 

Multiple graduate degrees and a really cool job in a really cool company made him at times seem larger than life. 

He also had it going on in the persistence category. After they met, Jane moved to Europe to complete a graduate degree.

Not to be deterred though, he showered her with roses and even for a paid ski vacation for her. He knew she was one in a million, and so he wasn’t going to let 3,000+ miles get in the way.

Finally, after over a year of determination, she let down her defenses. Upon graduating Jane decided to move from Europe to California to be with him. Together at last.

Then one Sunday afternoon, after about six months being together in California, Jane found herself perplexed. She hadn’t heard from him since Saturday morning. Her calls to his cell phone and home phone returned only voice mail. He had literally disappeared.

Not knowing what to do, she went to his house. She rang his doorbell, but no answer. Strange, though, because she could have sworn she heard his cough from inside the house. Peeking through his kitchen window, she saw a strange pink coat hanging on a kitchen chair. 

So, she sat across the street on the curb and waited and waited. Finally, after two hours, she had grown tired of the wait. Walking around his house, Jane noticed that his second-story bedroom window was open. With no ladder in sight, and a bit of desperation as motivation, she literally climbed up the side of his house along a fragile gutter pipe. Like a scene out of Mission: Impossible, she crawled through the open bedroom window.

Immediately, she was relieved to find no one in his bedroom. It must have all been in her head! Walking down the stairs, however, she discovered quite the different story. Her guy and another women were standing in the entryway, apparently ready to leave.

“Who are you?” Jane asked. 

“I’m his girlfriend,” replied the woman curtly from the entryway. 

“Who are you?” this new woman asked in utter disbelief that another woman was standing there at the top of the stairs. After all, she had just spent all day in bed with the guy.

“That’s strange, I’m his girlfriend too!” Jane answered back in sheer frustration.

Indeed, the guy had been dating the other woman for a full two years. Both women, of course, thought they had an exclusive relationship with him.

His defense later to Jane was because she was so incredibly special he figured she’d eventually break up with him. In a sense, the other woman was his backup plan.

Their story could have ended right there. After all, he had lied and cheated on both of the women for more than six months. However, Jane had already fallen in love with him before knowing the truth. Emotionally, she couldn’t just walk away. 

A year and a half and countless fights later, the relationship finally did end. In the emotionally painful aftermath, Jane was left understandably wondering if she could ever trust men again?

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