Relationship Fitness

S8: Integrity E7: Temptation and Red Flags

In “Relationship Workout for Men” Season 8 Episode 7, titled “Temptation and Red Flags,” Vince delves into the challenges of resisting temptation and its impact on the integrity within relationships. He outlines how temptation can lead even the most well-intentioned individuals down a path of weakened integrity, manifesting through actions such as infidelity, dishonesty, and neglect. Vince highlights several red flags to watch for that may indicate a partner’s propensity toward weak integrity behaviors, as well as green flags signaling strong integrity plays. Through personal insight and thoughtful analysis, Vince emphasizes the importance of choosing to uphold reliability, faithfulness, and honesty, urging listeners to commit to integrity as a foundational element of their relationships, thereby avoiding the slippery slope that temptation represents.

Welcome to Relationship Workout for Men, a podcast dedicated to helping men be intentional in choosing a better partner, and being a better partner for the person they choose.

Season 8, Episode 7: Temptation and Red Flags

In previous episodes, we discussed the three strategies for playing it strong in integrity: Reliability, Faithfulness and Sharing Honestly. This said, there is a slippery slope from strong to weak integrity, and that slippery slope is called temptation. 

Unfortunately, when temptation hits, many people just aren’t strong enough to say “no.” There could be any number of reasons why temptation can win over and nullify every good intention of showing up with strong integrity. For instance:

  • One or both of you just can’t resist the chase of seducing or being seduced. 
  • After some time (could be years), one or both of you feels the need for some new sexual territory to explore.
  • One of you shuts down the option of having sex all together, steering the relationship toward platonic imprisonment.
  • Now that you’re both exclusive, your reliability starts to lax as you begin to take the relationship and her for granted. 
  • Even though you’re both partners now, it’s extremely difficult for one person to be completely honest. Perhaps, it just feels a lot safer to keep secrets rather than deal with the other’s potential disappointment. Or perhaps you don’t want to expose your imperfections. Perhaps you feel guilty of your needs and don’t feel comfortable sharing them with your Person.

For whatever reason, and in all cases, when a person falls to temptation, he or she has consciously or unconsciously moved into the weak integrity space of behavior.

And temptation is a very slippery slope indeed. One act of weak integrity can snowball into many more. One lie turns into ten. One affair turns into many. Being late becomes chronic tardiness. Down the slope you go, especially if the person continuously gets away with the deception.

Now, we’re not saying that all trust will be broken with a single act of weak integrity. It depends on the specific weak behavior, as well as how each person in the relationship responds.

However, we all have our limits. One can endure a partner’s slide down the weak integrity slippery slope only for so long before trust is so broken that recovery feels impossible.

So how can you tell if someone has weak or strong integrity? This is where the Integrity red and green flags come to play, flags you might want to look out for when in an intimate relationship (and flags the person you’re with should also pay attention when it comes to you).

Starting with red flags, here are seven flags to look out for that might indicate the person you’re with might be making weak integrity plays:

  1. She lies to you or other people.
  2. She doesn’t seem to have many close friends. Past friendships have mostly ended because of weaknesses in integrity on her part.
  3. She cares much more about her own needs, typically playing the all-about-ME game.
  4. She is always late or shows other signs of not respecting you or others.
  5. She seems to be very unrealistic about things — living in a fantasy land that only lies can sustain.
  6. She consistently fails to follow through on her promises.
  7. She always must be right, often requiring dishonesty to maintain the illusion.

That said, here are four Green Flags that could suggest strong integrity plays:

  1. She constantly does what she promises. You feel you can depend on her.
  2. She cares about both your needs and hers, typically playing it all about WE.
  3. She is realistic about things and seemingly not living in a fantasy.
  4. She gives no reason to doubt she’s not sharing with you the whole truth. For instance, she admits when she’s contributed to any issue.

Taking a step back, it’s important to remember that strong and weak integrity plays are plays made by choice. But it’s also important to remember none of us are perfect.

We all make mistakes.

However, if you tend to fall to temptation, then ask yourself: Do I want to be transformed and strengthen my integrity plays?

Unfortunately, it’s often only after experiencing major pain — after a terrible break-up caused by weak integrity, for example — when you realize the true downside to weak integrity. Why wait until you must endure major pain to transform yourself?

Commit yourself to strong integrity. You know what it means to fight off temptation. Choose reliability, faithfulness and honesty that is appropriate to the stage of dating you’re in — 24×7!

This said, in the next episode I’ll share a personal story when I dated someone one might say struggled fighting off the temptation to lie in episode 8: Where are your clothes, Honey?

Scroll to Top
Powered by

More Fun, Less Drama